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9 Months

After a miscarriage and years of trying to have a baby, I spent 9 ecstatic months waiting anxiously for Caleb’s arrival. Those 9 months were so fast and happy. We spent 9 months preparing a nursery. We search and find the right furniture, cute clothes, warm blankets. The room is organized, painted, and decorated. Our rainbow baby prince needs the best I can muster.

Today marks 9 gruesome months since my son Caleb died. I have spent 9 months which are each so slow. January and February each felt like a year. This past week has felt like a year. We have spent 9 months getting rid of furniture and clothes. We had to pack his room and still have things to organize.

I have spent 3% of his life preparing for his birth and 3% unraveling his death, mourning and trying to make sense out of it all. It sometimes feels like he is the one still here and it is us who are not. It feels like we are fading; losing our identity, health, and sometimes faith…

Published inGrief

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