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Holiday Cheer



I did. They truly were a time for celebration and we made so many memories. We filled the last ten weeks of the year with laughing, festivities, decorating for Thanksgiving, decorating for Christmas, visiting family on both holidays, parties, baking, and finding amazing holiday lights.


It did not go away all at once. We had way too much of it to lose in a moment. The first time I noticed a drop in our cheer level was fourteen years ago today. We were pregnant for the third time and hoped to announce it to the family during the Thanksgiving meal. But the Friday before the big day, Emily miscarried and Donna spent the weekend with our dead child in her womb until they could do a D&C on the Monday. We spent the holiday at home, alone, emotionally wrecked and physically in pain.

The following couple of years, the holidays had lost a little luster, but we kept most of it intact for Caleb and Madi.

When Caleb died, we knew we could not do even half of what we did previously, but we did what we could. That first Thanksgiving and Christmas were both train wrecks. We adjusted over the years, scaling back, until last year we did very little, was picky who we hung out with, and found a little peace. We planned to recreate that this year.

Donna’s knee surgery complications are throwing a lot of shade on our plans to relax and do very little. Most people would find it boring and not very holiday like. I have even been called a Grinch. Sometimes, when life is constantly throwing you fast balls that smack you in the face, mind numbing boredom is the closest to fun you can hope for.

See Related: Fall Brings

Published inGrief

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