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Life Dates

Certain dates on the calendar really sting. I wrote about this five years ago (Dates on the Calendar), but now that I am further on my grief path, these dates do not get easier, but more complicated.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of Caleb’s memorial service but to me it is today because the memorial was the day before Father’s Day. I not only put my son’s memory to rest but also lost contact with most friends and family. It’s a tough day for sure in a month full of tough days.

The 9th is super rough because it is the day Caleb died, but we did not find out until the 10th because the cops did not feel like delivering the news.

The 10th is also when our daughter Emily was supposed to be born 14 years ago.

The 10th is when my grandmother died 8 years ago and I was sitting in the waiting room while Donna was getting yet another surgery.

June is also Caleb’s and Madi’s birthday.

June is when we miscarried Alex 33 years ago.

So while I reel in this tumultuous sea of emotions, I have people asking me when I am going to start living life. Asking me why I cannot go to church on Father’s Day or on Caleb’s Death Day.

This is life, my life. It is not going to look like your idea of normal. I am wondering though when people who say they care will start including me into their life. If you think I am not living life, at least have the decency to be with me long enough to judge.

Published inGrief

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