Today I celebrate the day my Savior rose from the dead, thus proving His diety and solidifying the hope I have in living for eternity with Him. Easter commemorates the promise born out of His death for our sins on that Friday 2000 years ago.
Today also marks the 58th month since Caleb died. The constant weight on my shoulders and chest pulls its load evermore to the forefront until I sit with it a while.
During the days leading up to Easter, I enjoy reflecting on all Christ has done for me, for us. Selected music would play to help this goal and a reading of the account in the Bible as a devotional. I could not embrace Easter this year with Caleb’s five year milestone looming.
Despite my immense faith, I still have doubts and questions. Someone said to me recently that Jesus is always walking with me. This is true. It is also true that He walked with Caleb and allowed a mental break to take his life. Caleb willingly participated in this as much as someone who drives off a mountain because they wrongly see the road. We routinely prayed that our Lord would protect and guide him yet I have to trust He will protect and guide the rest of my family.
Do not misunderstand me. I am thankful for the work done on the cross and the hope I have through Christ. The incessant questions and doubts create a weird mixture of emotions.