Have you heard the F* BOMB today? Maybe you have said it! I know this is a tough post but please continue reading even if you do not think it applies to you. I think it will.
The F* word is said all the time. I say this terrible word almost every day. It is a simple response when you don’t want to fully express your emotion. Usually, I say it when I am not in the mood to explain myself to someone or am in a rush.
What is it about this word which makes it so easy to say? It rolls off the tongue and flies past the lips like it is nothing. It says nothing of any usefulness but often stops the conversation. Even though it has roots in a positive connotation, it is used passive-aggressively and even rudely. We need to rethink our use of this word.
When communicating how we feel, we should find better words to express what is occurring and our related emotional state. When asked “How are you doing?”, the answer of “fine” kills, or tries to kill, the conversation. It is a bomb. This ‘F’ word kills conversation, discussion, and deeper understanding. It can mean ’shut up’, ‘go away’, or angrily complying with a request. If you told your mom you missed your school bus, and she said “Fine!”, I think you’d better shut up! Do you mean “I won the lotto and my kid is in Harvard but I don’t want to let you know because you might ask for money.”? Maybe you mean “Please don’t ask but I am being polite and saying something so I can just move on.” It could mean “Go away, but I don’t want to be perceived as rude.” Worse it is “Everything is falling apart but I don’t feel safe talking about it.”
This applies to almost any question:
How’s the job search?
How are the kids?
Will you mow my lawn?
Is this the only word which is a bomb, besides the original F* BOMB? No, it applies to any word we dismissively or flippantly say to keep from expressing the real truth. Some words to ponder as often used poorly are: Fair, Good, Well, Alright, and Okay.
Sometimes it is not a word used in this context but entire sentences. The idea is to open communication, not shut them down. One common example of a poor phrase as a response is “better than I deserve”. This says even less, if it is possible, about your well-being. None of us ‘deserve’ a particular state of being and all of us will die of something, eventually.
So should we go around discussing all of our special moments, problems, and struggles with every one? No, not all who ask deserve to know our personal life. We need to be aware of who should be open because of the established relationship. Asking every person we come near how they are doing is not appropriate.
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