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Altered Reality

There are losses that rearrange the world. Deaths that change the way you see everything, grief that tears everything down. Pain that transports you to an entirely different universe, even while everyone else thinks nothing has really changed. – Megan Devine

Of course, nothing has really changed for others when Caleb died. Besides his parents and sister, no one really hung out with Caleb when he was alive. They don’t notice a big difference with him gone.

Of course, nothing has really changed for others when Emily died. Only my wife and I felt her here. No one else was around to see the mental, emotional, and spiritual devastation caused by her death. No one else had to endure eleven months of surgeries and physical problems, resulting in the lack of normal physical affection for the last ten years.

Of course, everything has changed for the three of us. Our world is upside down and nothing looks the same. Even though we travelled here alone, it is incomprehensible that we must navigate this altered reality alone. Our pain must be from another universe because I cannot describe it in terms of this universe. There is no analogy. It is not like any other loss I have endured. I can describe how my fractured skull hurt so bad as it was driving me into a coma for five days by having you think about a migraine that is a 1000 times worse, or something to that effect, but there is no analogy to losing your child to suicide.

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Published inGrief

One Comment

  1. Brandie

    There is no analogy. We cannot make anyone understand. Words are ultimately meaningless; communication is superficial; therefore, relationships are an illusion. That’s where I am right now.

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